what have I done?

Wow, when I actually take the time and sit and think about everything that I have backed out of, every opportunity that I have sabotaged, all the money wasted on classes, fees, and textbooks, It makes me very sad and upset. I could have done it. I could have been one of those people who went on to a college, experienced life and independence, took chances and discovered my true self. I could have, if I had only applied myself. I was given chances, little art awards here, teachers and guidance counselors who supported me, and a supportive family. However nothing can compare to what goes on in your mind when you are battling intense chronic depression. I still can make it if I try, however I will be starting at ground zero.